


The Tony Stark Pregnancy Test

by shinodabear



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Discussion of mpreg, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-06
Updated: 2012-01-06
Packaged: 2017-10-29 02:05:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/314648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinodabear/pseuds/shinodabear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony goes to Pepper for advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Tony Stark Pregnancy Test

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the "mpreg " space on my [Cap_ironman](dreamwidth.org/cap_ironman) [bingo card](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v234/Muccamukk/Cap-IM%20Bingo/shinodabear.jpg)

"Pepper, can I ask you a question? A personal one." Tony raised his hand at her defensive stance. "No, don't. It's nothing bad. Just. Hear me out?"

She nodded.

He unconsciously began to rub his stomach. "How do you know if you're pregnant?"

It said a lot about Pepper that she reacted so calmly. It was more of a 'Tony, what did you do now?' rather than an 'Oh my god, Tony, what did you say?!'. Actually, on second thought, it probably said more about Tony. No. It did say more about Tony. So. In for a penny...

"I would love to blame this one on Loki because the guy has a womb that just does not quit. Did you read his file? No? Okay, not the point. But I haven't really seen him since the last time we kicked his ass so I doubt this has much to do with him and I don't even know if I'm pregnant because home tests won't work with the hormones that are already in my urine which leaves a very awkward doctor's visit or a talk with His God of Thunderness which, might be more than a little awkward because Steve didn't want anyone to – oh _ho_ \-- See what I did there? I didn't say a word, you heard nothing, and I am going to walk away now and ask Fury for maternity leave just in case."

It said a lot about Pepper that all she did was firmly call Tony back into the room. (No, actually, it said a lot more about Tony.)

"First of all, Steve is delusional if he thinks that no one already knows." ("Thank you! That's what I said but he said-") Tony shut up. ("Yes ma'am.") "Second of all, why do you think you're pregnant?"

Tony sort of squirmed where he was standing, because Pepper had this really intense gaze that was super unnerving. She was great at unnerving Tony. It was like her superpower or something. She could also make Tony talk. Like so: "Because I have this weird feeling in my stomach, I'm always hungry or at least usually eating instead of pretending to in order to stop your nagging, I have these weird little belly flops at random moments, and whenever I see babies I get this weird urge to coo at them and smile." Tony sighed and rubbed his belly again. "Wow, that feels good to get that out there."

"Tony," Pepper said.

"Yeah, Pep?" Tony said.

"Is it possible for you to be pregnant?"

"Nope. But I don't know. Maybe. I'm awesome like that." Tony shrugged and gave her a grin as if to say, 'What are you gonna do?'

"Tony," Pepper said, not sounding very impressed with Tony's awesomeness.

Despite popular opinion, Tony knew when to stop fooling around. "Yes, Pepper?"

"When do you get these feelings in your stomach?"

(No he didn't.) "Shouldn't I be talking to a licensed medical practitioner?"

"Tony, you came to me, remember?"

"Yes, because you have lady parts that make babies. You should know about these things." Tony deflated at Pepper's glare. "Fine," he said, and then shrugged. "Usually when I'm with Steve. Having lunch or hanging out or whatever. I thought it was indigestion – you know how popcorn doesn't agree with me, but he loves the buttery stuff and it's rude to make him eat alone so – but it happens when I'm not eating, too. When I'm working downstairs or watching tv or whatever."

"Mmhmm." Pepper crossed her arms. Tony didn't like that. "And where do you see these cute little babies that fuel your mothering instinct?"

"Out in the park. Steve likes to jog in Central Park, do some artwork, be lazy. You know. And mother's will be strolling along with their little babies and Captain America needs to stop and take a photo with 'em. Real cute stuff. They eat it up."

Pepper put a hand up. "Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"You're an idiot."

Well. It's not like he hadn't heard that one before. "I am?"

"You're not pregnant."

"I'm not?" Well that was . . . kind of a relief. (Although, being the first pregnant man would be pretty awesome.)

She shook her head. "You're in love."

"Huh," Tony said, playing dumb because, _hello_ , there was something he could've avoiding hearing. "Is that fatal?"

"Absolutely. Deadly. In one hundred percent of cases."

"Right." Tony nodded. "Should I start talking to my lawyers?"

"Shut up and get in touch with your feelings."

Tony grimaced like a five-year-old faced with eating his vegetables and scurried away. Pepper shook her head. "You know, I think he actually preferred if he was pregnant," she commented to herself. She waited until Tony was out of earshot to ask: "JARVIS, he's not really pregnant, is he?"

"No, Miss Potts," JARVIS answered. And then, because the acorn didn't fall far from the tree, added, "But it is not from lack of trying."


End file.
